Wanna know what I did on my 126th lonely weekend in a row? It was action packed this time.
Let's see.... hmmm... oh.. gave the dogs a bath.... minnie was slipping and sliding all over the place afterwords... Joker hurt his leg, so I had to follow him around all night to make sure he could get up everytime he fell.
Then some d-bag's truck broke down in front of our house so it was sitting here all weekend.
Then I got reacquainted with my old friend Sir Charles Ramen... My only food all weekend was rice & ramen noodles... sounds bad but it tastes pretty good when thats all you can afford... just adding some soy sauce and a teaspoon of vegetable oil while ramen is cooking makes the beef flavored ramen taste more.... Japanese?
I had about a 10 minute interaction with 2 people on AIM... and both ended up being pissed off... I guess I'm good at something huh? Posted my Blog of the week on myspace... got like 14-20 views, and no comments, I think I'm gonna quit posting blogs on myspace because I rarely get comments, no point in writing if no one cares about it right? But then, I guess I'm doing the same thing here.
There was also a free preview of Showtime on this week, so I got to watch all the movies that came out last year that I didn't have the chance to see in the theaters. Not to mention i downloaded some free music on The Frog, even though there's only so many ways to remix Thnks Fr the Mmrs by Fall Out Boy and still have it worth listening too... and an 8 1/2 minute acid house/techno dance remix isn't the way to do it
So compared to the other 125 lonely weekends I had the past 2+ years, it had to be up there in the top 50 somewhere... thats at least kinda good right?
Sunday, September 30, 2007
Friday, September 14, 2007
The plan for the rest of my life
So, I've made a decision on what I want to do for the rest of my life... Since I have zero friends, and no one that wants to make a long term commitment to me in anyway, the things I want to do the most in life are out of the question; rock star, independant film maker, so on... also, I've been trying to get a job for the past 2 years with no luck... so I made a deadline for my 25th birthday...
If things don't pick up by my next birthday, and by "pick up" I mean getting a job, a girlfriend and at least 2 friends if not a few, I'm leaving...
I'm walking downstate to meet a friend, then I might go meet one or 2 other people, then I'm done...
I don't know what I'm gonna do after that, maybe I'll go home and give it another try, maybe I'll lay in the middle of the road until someone hits me, maybe I'll kill myself on the door step of someone who could have made a positive influence on my life but instead chose to make a negative influence on it... I don't know... But I do know that I'm not gonna be in this town much longer unless it gets better for me...
February 22nd, 2008 --- A little more than 5 months away!!!
If things don't pick up by my next birthday, and by "pick up" I mean getting a job, a girlfriend and at least 2 friends if not a few, I'm leaving...
I'm walking downstate to meet a friend, then I might go meet one or 2 other people, then I'm done...
I don't know what I'm gonna do after that, maybe I'll go home and give it another try, maybe I'll lay in the middle of the road until someone hits me, maybe I'll kill myself on the door step of someone who could have made a positive influence on my life but instead chose to make a negative influence on it... I don't know... But I do know that I'm not gonna be in this town much longer unless it gets better for me...
February 22nd, 2008 --- A little more than 5 months away!!!
Everyone has their flaws, but I have them all
Big list of my flaws (That I Know About)
- I snore
- I'm fat
- Missing tooth
- I'm pretty boring
- Jobless
- Own house/apartment ownership-challenged
- I swear one of my eyes is lower on my head than the other
- My eyebrows are never even
- Virgin
- I suck at flirting
- No $$$
- I got a 4.85 (out of ten) total rating on Facethejury.com
- The left side of my jaw is bigger than the right
- Single for more than 7 Years
- I have no solid experience being a boyfriend
- I literally have no real friends, just 3 "Internet acquaintances"
- No car
- I literally have nothing to offer in a relationship or friendship (hence no friends, no relationship)
- I'm pretty sure I'm starting to lose my hair
- I've spent over 120 lonely weekends in a row
go me....
- I snore
- I'm fat
- Missing tooth
- I'm pretty boring
- Jobless
- Own house/apartment ownership-challenged
- I swear one of my eyes is lower on my head than the other
- My eyebrows are never even
- Virgin
- I suck at flirting
- No $$$
- I got a 4.85 (out of ten) total rating on Facethejury.com
- The left side of my jaw is bigger than the right
- Single for more than 7 Years
- I have no solid experience being a boyfriend
- I literally have no real friends, just 3 "Internet acquaintances"
- No car
- I literally have nothing to offer in a relationship or friendship (hence no friends, no relationship)
- I'm pretty sure I'm starting to lose my hair
- I've spent over 120 lonely weekends in a row
go me....
Wednesday, September 12, 2007
Extra Virgin Olive Oil
As I mentioned on this blog, I am a virgin. Not just any virgin, but I'm a virgin to pretty much everything. It sucks, but not for the reasons you may think.
sure, I'm a guy, which means I'm required to be horny all the time, even more so because i haven't had sex (or much else). But I'm not bummed about being a virgin just because I haven't had sex.
Its more because I've never had anyone who loved me enough to even think about getting intimate with me, that's what bothers me the most.
My first girlfriend, TM, never really talked to me very much. I'd have to go out of my way and make myself completely uncomfortable just to have a 10 second conversation with her.
Girlfriend #2, and so far my only other girlfriend ever, RW and I talked to each other rather well, she'd actually come talk to me without me initiating the convo, which was something I was not used to at all. But me and her rarely got intimate, and then she cheated on me, yet I never got a reason why.
Thus, I've never had anyone that really liked me all that much. I was a reason to write notes to one, and a glorified friend to another. I've never had anyone, girlfried or not, who ever made me feel important.
sure, I'm a guy, which means I'm required to be horny all the time, even more so because i haven't had sex (or much else). But I'm not bummed about being a virgin just because I haven't had sex.
Its more because I've never had anyone who loved me enough to even think about getting intimate with me, that's what bothers me the most.
My first girlfriend, TM, never really talked to me very much. I'd have to go out of my way and make myself completely uncomfortable just to have a 10 second conversation with her.
Girlfriend #2, and so far my only other girlfriend ever, RW and I talked to each other rather well, she'd actually come talk to me without me initiating the convo, which was something I was not used to at all. But me and her rarely got intimate, and then she cheated on me, yet I never got a reason why.
Thus, I've never had anyone that really liked me all that much. I was a reason to write notes to one, and a glorified friend to another. I've never had anyone, girlfried or not, who ever made me feel important.
Just some talk
I absolutely love watching/listening to women talk. I don't know what it is, but there's just something amazing about it if you ask me. They don't do anything special, like balance a chair while they talk. But there is just something beautiful and serene about listening to them talk about their day/lives/jobs/whatever. Sounds strange, I know, I guess its just one of my quirks.
You'll rebel to anything (As long as it's not challenging)
How many have you done?
1) smoked weed or cigs [x]
2) consumed alcohol [x]
3) slept in the same bed with someone of the opposite sex []
4) slept in the same bed with someone of the same sex []
5) made out with someone of the opposite sex [x]
6) made out with someone of the same sex []
7) had someone in your room of the opposite sex [x]
8) watched porn [x]
9) bought porn[]
10) done drugs [] not any that weren't previously mentioned
TOTAL: 5
11) taken pain killer [x]
12) taken someone elses prescription medicine []
13) lied to your parents [x]
14) lied to a friend [x]
15) snuck out of the house []
16) done something illegal [x]
17) cut yourself [x]
18) hurt someone [x]
19) wished someone to die []
20) seen someone die []
TOTAL: 6
21) missed curfew []
22) stayed out all night [x]
23) eaten a carton of ice cream by yourself []
24) been to a therapist []
25) been to rehab []
26) dyed your hair [x]
27) recieved a ticket []
28) been in a wreck [x]
29) been to a club []
30) been to a bar [x] once.... bars blow
TOTAL: 4
31) been to a wild party []
32) seen the Mardi Gras []
34) had a spring break in Florida []
35) sniffed anything []
36) wore black nail polish [x]
37) wore arm bands []
38) wore t-shirts with band names [x]
39) listened to rap [x]
40) own a 50 cent cd []
TOTAL: 3
41) dressed gothic [x]
42) dressed prep [x]
43) dressed punk [x]
44) dressed grunge [x]
45) stole something [x]
46) been too drunk to remember anything []
47) blacked out []
48) fainted []
49) had a crush on your neighbor []
50) had someone sneak into your room []
TOTAL: 5
51) snuck into someone else's room []
52) had a crush on someone of the same sex []
53) been to a concert [x]
54) dry humped someone []
55) been called a slut []
56) called someone a slut [x]
57) installed speakers in your car []
58) broke a mirror []
59) showered at someone of the opposites sex's house []
60) brushed your teeth with someone elses toothbrush []
TOTAL: 2
61) consider ludacris your favorite rapper []
62) seen an R rated movie in theaters [x]
63) cruised the mall [x]
64) skipped school [x]
65) had an eating disorder []
66) had an injury [x]
67) gone to court []
68) walked out of a resteraunt without paying []
69) caught something on fire [x]
70) lied about your age []
TOTAL: 5
71) owned an apartment [x] well I rented an apartment, I didn't own the entire thing
72) cheated on your boyfriend/girlfriend []
73) been cheated on [x]
74) got in trouble with the police [1/2x] it was all a big misunderstanding... honestly
75) talked to a stranger [x]
76) hugged a stranger []
77) kissed a stranger []
78) rode in the car with a stranger []
79) been sexually harrassed []
80) been verbally harrassed []
TOTAL: 3 1/2
81) met face to face with someone you met online [] nope, my "online friends" don't seem to care that much
82) stayed online for 12 hours straight [1/2x] i may have been online or on my computer for 12 hours in a day, but not really in a row
83) talked on the phone for more than 6 hours straight []
84) watched tv for 12 hours straight []
85) been to a fair [x]
86) been called a bad influence []
87) cursed [x]
88) prank called someone []
89) laid in the bed with someone of the opposite sex [x]
90) cheated on a test [x]
TOTAL: 4 1/2
91) cheated on homework [x]
93) been pushed into a pool []
94) played pool [x]
95) watched 5 hours of mtv straight [] I can't stand MTV for 5 minutes, let alone 5 hours
96) had a crush on someone 10 years older than you [1/2x]
97) had a crush on someone younger than you [x]
98) wear eyeliner []
99) skinny dipped []
100) laughed at someone who was seriously hurt []
TOTAL: 3 1/2
TOTAL: 41 1/2
10-20= goodie good
21-30= a little rebelious
31-40= getting hot baby
41-50= rebel
51-60= total bad girl/boy
61-70= bitch/asshole
71-80= cant believe you made it this far
81-90= fucking bad ass
91-100= see u in hell
1) smoked weed or cigs [x]
2) consumed alcohol [x]
3) slept in the same bed with someone of the opposite sex []
4) slept in the same bed with someone of the same sex []
5) made out with someone of the opposite sex [x]
6) made out with someone of the same sex []
7) had someone in your room of the opposite sex [x]
8) watched porn [x]
9) bought porn[]
10) done drugs [] not any that weren't previously mentioned
TOTAL: 5
11) taken pain killer [x]
12) taken someone elses prescription medicine []
13) lied to your parents [x]
14) lied to a friend [x]
15) snuck out of the house []
16) done something illegal [x]
17) cut yourself [x]
18) hurt someone [x]
19) wished someone to die []
20) seen someone die []
TOTAL: 6
21) missed curfew []
22) stayed out all night [x]
23) eaten a carton of ice cream by yourself []
24) been to a therapist []
25) been to rehab []
26) dyed your hair [x]
27) recieved a ticket []
28) been in a wreck [x]
29) been to a club []
30) been to a bar [x] once.... bars blow
TOTAL: 4
31) been to a wild party []
32) seen the Mardi Gras []
34) had a spring break in Florida []
35) sniffed anything []
36) wore black nail polish [x]
37) wore arm bands []
38) wore t-shirts with band names [x]
39) listened to rap [x]
40) own a 50 cent cd []
TOTAL: 3
41) dressed gothic [x]
42) dressed prep [x]
43) dressed punk [x]
44) dressed grunge [x]
45) stole something [x]
46) been too drunk to remember anything []
47) blacked out []
48) fainted []
49) had a crush on your neighbor []
50) had someone sneak into your room []
TOTAL: 5
51) snuck into someone else's room []
52) had a crush on someone of the same sex []
53) been to a concert [x]
54) dry humped someone []
55) been called a slut []
56) called someone a slut [x]
57) installed speakers in your car []
58) broke a mirror []
59) showered at someone of the opposites sex's house []
60) brushed your teeth with someone elses toothbrush []
TOTAL: 2
61) consider ludacris your favorite rapper []
62) seen an R rated movie in theaters [x]
63) cruised the mall [x]
64) skipped school [x]
65) had an eating disorder []
66) had an injury [x]
67) gone to court []
68) walked out of a resteraunt without paying []
69) caught something on fire [x]
70) lied about your age []
TOTAL: 5
71) owned an apartment [x] well I rented an apartment, I didn't own the entire thing
72) cheated on your boyfriend/girlfriend []
73) been cheated on [x]
74) got in trouble with the police [1/2x] it was all a big misunderstanding... honestly
75) talked to a stranger [x]
76) hugged a stranger []
77) kissed a stranger []
78) rode in the car with a stranger []
79) been sexually harrassed []
80) been verbally harrassed []
TOTAL: 3 1/2
81) met face to face with someone you met online [] nope, my "online friends" don't seem to care that much
82) stayed online for 12 hours straight [1/2x] i may have been online or on my computer for 12 hours in a day, but not really in a row
83) talked on the phone for more than 6 hours straight []
84) watched tv for 12 hours straight []
85) been to a fair [x]
86) been called a bad influence []
87) cursed [x]
88) prank called someone []
89) laid in the bed with someone of the opposite sex [x]
90) cheated on a test [x]
TOTAL: 4 1/2
91) cheated on homework [x]
93) been pushed into a pool []
94) played pool [x]
95) watched 5 hours of mtv straight [] I can't stand MTV for 5 minutes, let alone 5 hours
96) had a crush on someone 10 years older than you [1/2x]
97) had a crush on someone younger than you [x]
98) wear eyeliner []
99) skinny dipped []
100) laughed at someone who was seriously hurt []
TOTAL: 3 1/2
TOTAL: 41 1/2
10-20= goodie good
21-30= a little rebelious
31-40= getting hot baby
41-50= rebel
51-60= total bad girl/boy
61-70= bitch/asshole
71-80= cant believe you made it this far
81-90= fucking bad ass
91-100= see u in hell
Wednesday, September 5, 2007
Positive Reinforcement or Postively Unreinforced?
You know how most parents reward their kids when they do something good? Well, my parents never worked like that.
My parents made sure that I knew I was a complete failure. They never exercised positive reinforcement for anything. Like the contest I won in first grade for fire safety week in which I thought outside the box. I told them about it and their reply was "Oh yeah?" and "That's nice" it was never "Good Job" or "I'm so proud of you".
When I brought home all A's in elementary school and constantly made the honor roll it was never "Keep up the good work Josh" it was "Yeah, I saw that."
Then, during my senior year in high school, I was about to fail and have to take the entire year over again I didn't get a "You're a smart kid, I know you can get your grades up" it was just "There's no way you're gonna pass this grade"
And when I did pass the grade and graduate, there was no "Oh my! You totally surprised us." it was just "Well, you should have done that earlier in the year."
So why did I even end up being a decent human being? If you ask my mom she'll tell ya its all because of her. Not because of something I've done.
My parents made sure that I knew I was a complete failure. They never exercised positive reinforcement for anything. Like the contest I won in first grade for fire safety week in which I thought outside the box. I told them about it and their reply was "Oh yeah?" and "That's nice" it was never "Good Job" or "I'm so proud of you".
When I brought home all A's in elementary school and constantly made the honor roll it was never "Keep up the good work Josh" it was "Yeah, I saw that."
Then, during my senior year in high school, I was about to fail and have to take the entire year over again I didn't get a "You're a smart kid, I know you can get your grades up" it was just "There's no way you're gonna pass this grade"
And when I did pass the grade and graduate, there was no "Oh my! You totally surprised us." it was just "Well, you should have done that earlier in the year."
So why did I even end up being a decent human being? If you ask my mom she'll tell ya its all because of her. Not because of something I've done.
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