I Need a Shoulder to Die On

I've been thinking about my own funeral lately. I haven't set a date and don't plan to for awhile, but I have thought about how I want it to go down.

I don't want a lotta people there. In fact the guest list is gonna be much smaller than the invitation list to 2007's E3. First of all I want my parents there (If they out last me), My Brother and Sister and my sisters kids, and if its not too much trouble, I want my dogs there too, even though their expiration date will most likely be before mine. The only "friend" I want at my funeral is "KP". Everybody else in my family and all of my other "friends" are not invited. Mainly because they never really made much time for me in life, so why should they be expected to make time for me after death. And if they do show up, prepare for a haunting.

I don't care what happens to all my stuff, as long as I'm buried with a 2 GB MP3 player full of all my favorite music. And I do not want that MP3 Player to be an iPod. iPods blow. And I want an extra long lasting battery. Like get a person who knows their shit about modding mp3 players and hooking them up to larger batteries and put headphones on my head and push play before they lower me into my dead-hole. And just let it play until the batteries die.


Top 5 Ways I'd like to die
1. During sex, preferably after orgasm.
2. While saving someone else's life, preferably a stranger, to maintain some mystery.
3. After hitting the ground while Sky diving
4. Like John Dillinger (with a massive hard-on)
5. Being shot by Rambo

Top 5 Ways I wouldn't like to die
1. While masturbating
2. While surfing for porn
3. While masturbating and surfing for porn
4. Pulling an Elvis aka while droppin' a duece
5. By drowning