Josh à la Mode

Consecutive Lonely Weekend #126: Sir Charles Ramen of Noodleham

2007-09-30T22:47:00.000-07:00

Wanna know what I did on my 126th lonely weekend in a row? It was action packed this time.

Let's see.... hmmm... oh.. gave the dogs a bath.... minnie was slipping and sliding all over the place afterwords... Joker hurt his leg, so I had to follow him around all night to make sure he could get up everytime he fell.

Then some d-bag's truck broke down in front of our house so it was sitting here all weekend.

Then I got reacquainted with my old friend Sir Charles Ramen... My only food all weekend was rice & ramen noodles... sounds bad but it tastes pretty good when thats all you can afford... just adding some soy sauce and a teaspoon of vegetable oil while ramen is cooking makes the beef flavored ramen taste more.... Japanese?

I had about a 10 minute interaction with 2 people on AIM... and both ended up being pissed off... I guess I'm good at something huh? Posted my Blog of the week on myspace... got like 14-20 views, and no comments, I think I'm gonna quit posting blogs on myspace because I rarely get comments, no point in writing if no one cares about it right? But then, I guess I'm doing the same thing here.

There was also a free preview of Showtime on this week, so I got to watch all the movies that came out last year that I didn't have the chance to see in the theaters. Not to mention i downloaded some free music on The Frog, even though there's only so many ways to remix Thnks Fr the Mmrs by Fall Out Boy and still have it worth listening too... and an 8 1/2 minute acid house/techno dance remix isn't the way to do it

So compared to the other 125 lonely weekends I had the past 2+ years, it had to be up there in the top 50 somewhere... thats at least kinda good right?

The plan for the rest of my life

2007-09-14T13:48:00.000-07:00

So, I've made a decision on what I want to do for the rest of my life... Since I have zero friends, and no one that wants to make a long term commitment to me in anyway, the things I want to do the most in life are out of the question; rock star, independant film maker, so on... also, I've been trying to get a job for the past 2 years with no luck... so I made a deadline for my 25th birthday...

If things don't pick up by my next birthday, and by "pick up" I mean getting a job, a girlfriend and at least 2 friends if not a few, I'm leaving...

I'm walking downstate to meet a friend, then I might go meet one or 2 other people, then I'm done...

I don't know what I'm gonna do after that, maybe I'll go home and give it another try, maybe I'll lay in the middle of the road until someone hits me, maybe I'll kill myself on the door step of someone who could have made a positive influence on my life but instead chose to make a negative influence on it... I don't know... But I do know that I'm not gonna be in this town much longer unless it gets better for me...

February 22nd, 2008 --- A little more than 5 months away!!!

Everyone has their flaws, but I have them all

2007-09-14T13:23:00.000-07:00

Big list of my flaws (That I Know About)
- I snore
- I'm fat
- Missing tooth
- I'm pretty boring
- Jobless
- Own house/apartment ownership-challenged
- I swear one of my eyes is lower on my head than the other
- My eyebrows are never even
- Virgin
- I suck at flirting
- No $$$
- I got a 4.85 (out of ten) total rating on Facethejury.com
- The left side of my jaw is bigger than the right
- Single for more than 7 Years
- I have no solid experience being a boyfriend
- I literally have no real friends, just 3 "Internet acquaintances"
- No car
- I literally have nothing to offer in a relationship or friendship (hence no friends, no relationship)
- I'm pretty sure I'm starting to lose my hair
- I've spent over 120 lonely weekends in a row

go me....

Extra Virgin Olive Oil

2007-09-12T14:26:00.000-07:00

As I mentioned on this blog, I am a virgin. Not just any virgin, but I'm a virgin to pretty much everything. It sucks, but not for the reasons you may think.

sure, I'm a guy, which means I'm required to be horny all the time, even more so because i haven't had sex (or much else). But I'm not bummed about being a virgin just because I haven't had sex.

Its more because I've never had anyone who loved me enough to even think about getting intimate with me, that's what bothers me the most.

My first girlfriend, TM, never really talked to me very much. I'd have to go out of my way and make myself completely uncomfortable just to have a 10 second conversation with her.

Girlfriend #2, and so far my only other girlfriend ever, RW and I talked to each other rather well, she'd actually come talk to me without me initiating the convo, which was something I was not used to at all. But me and her rarely got intimate, and then she cheated on me, yet I never got a reason why.

Thus, I've never had anyone that really liked me all that much. I was a reason to write notes to one, and a glorified friend to another. I've never had anyone, girlfried or not, who ever made me feel important.

Just some talk

2007-09-12T13:49:00.001-07:00

I absolutely love watching/listening to women talk. I don't know what it is, but there's just something amazing about it if you ask me. They don't do anything special, like balance a chair while they talk. But there is just something beautiful and serene about listening to them talk about their day/lives/jobs/whatever. Sounds strange, I know, I guess its just one of my quirks.

You'll rebel to anything (As long as it's not challenging)

2007-09-12T12:17:00.000-07:00

How many have you done?

1) smoked weed or cigs [x]
2) consumed alcohol [x]
3) slept in the same bed with someone of the opposite sex []
4) slept in the same bed with someone of the same sex []
5) made out with someone of the opposite sex [x]
6) made out with someone of the same sex []
7) had someone in your room of the opposite sex [x]
8) watched porn [x]
9) bought porn[]
10) done drugs [] not any that weren't previously mentioned
TOTAL: 5

11) taken pain killer [x]
12) taken someone elses prescription medicine []
13) lied to your parents [x]
14) lied to a friend [x]
15) snuck out of the house []
16) done something illegal [x]
17) cut yourself [x]
18) hurt someone [x]
19) wished someone to die []
20) seen someone die []
TOTAL: 6

21) missed curfew []
22) stayed out all night [x]
23) eaten a carton of ice cream by yourself []
24) been to a therapist []
25) been to rehab []
26) dyed your hair [x]
27) recieved a ticket []
28) been in a wreck [x]
29) been to a club []
30) been to a bar [x] once.... bars blow
TOTAL: 4

31) been to a wild party []
32) seen the Mardi Gras []
34) had a spring break in Florida []
35) sniffed anything []
36) wore black nail polish [x]
37) wore arm bands []
38) wore t-shirts with band names [x]
39) listened to rap [x]
40) own a 50 cent cd []
TOTAL: 3

41) dressed gothic [x]
42) dressed prep [x]
43) dressed punk [x]
44) dressed grunge [x]
45) stole something [x]
46) been too drunk to remember anything []
47) blacked out []
48) fainted []
49) had a crush on your neighbor []
50) had someone sneak into your room []
TOTAL: 5

51) snuck into someone else's room []
52) had a crush on someone of the same sex []
53) been to a concert [x]
54) dry humped someone []
55) been called a slut []
56) called someone a slut [x]
57) installed speakers in your car []
58) broke a mirror []
59) showered at someone of the opposites sex's house []
60) brushed your teeth with someone elses toothbrush []
TOTAL: 2

61) consider ludacris your favorite rapper []
62) seen an R rated movie in theaters [x]
63) cruised the mall [x]
64) skipped school [x]
65) had an eating disorder []
66) had an injury [x]
67) gone to court []
68) walked out of a resteraunt without paying []
69) caught something on fire [x]
70) lied about your age []
TOTAL: 5

71) owned an apartment [x] well I rented an apartment, I didn't own the entire thing
72) cheated on your boyfriend/girlfriend []
73) been cheated on [x]
74) got in trouble with the police [1/2x] it was all a big misunderstanding... honestly
75) talked to a stranger [x]
76) hugged a stranger []
77) kissed a stranger []
78) rode in the car with a stranger []
79) been sexually harrassed []
80) been verbally harrassed []
TOTAL: 3 1/2

81) met face to face with someone you met online [] nope, my "online friends" don't seem to care that much
82) stayed online for 12 hours straight [1/2x] i may have been online or on my computer for 12 hours in a day, but not really in a row
83) talked on the phone for more than 6 hours straight []
84) watched tv for 12 hours straight []
85) been to a fair [x]
86) been called a bad influence []
87) cursed [x]
88) prank called someone []
89) laid in the bed with someone of the opposite sex [x]
90) cheated on a test [x]
TOTAL: 4 1/2

91) cheated on homework [x]
93) been pushed into a pool []
94) played pool [x]
95) watched 5 hours of mtv straight [] I can't stand MTV for 5 minutes, let alone 5 hours
96) had a crush on someone 10 years older than you [1/2x]
97) had a crush on someone younger than you [x]
98) wear eyeliner []
99) skinny dipped []
100) laughed at someone who was seriously hurt []
TOTAL: 3 1/2

TOTAL: 41 1/2

10-20= goodie good
21-30= a little rebelious
31-40= getting hot baby
41-50= rebel
51-60= total bad girl/boy
61-70= bitch/asshole
71-80= cant believe you made it this far
81-90= fucking bad ass
91-100= see u in hell

Positive Reinforcement or Postively Unreinforced?

2007-09-05T13:12:00.000-07:00

You know how most parents reward their kids when they do something good? Well, my parents never worked like that.

My parents made sure that I knew I was a complete failure. They never exercised positive reinforcement for anything. Like the contest I won in first grade for fire safety week in which I thought outside the box. I told them about it and their reply was "Oh yeah?" and "That's nice" it was never "Good Job" or "I'm so proud of you".

When I brought home all A's in elementary school and constantly made the honor roll it was never "Keep up the good work Josh" it was "Yeah, I saw that."

Then, during my senior year in high school, I was about to fail and have to take the entire year over again I didn't get a "You're a smart kid, I know you can get your grades up" it was just "There's no way you're gonna pass this grade"

And when I did pass the grade and graduate, there was no "Oh my! You totally surprised us." it was just "Well, you should have done that earlier in the year."

So why did I even end up being a decent human being? If you ask my mom she'll tell ya its all because of her. Not because of something I've done.

Love = Plague

2007-09-03T13:38:00.000-07:00

TS (12:08:59 AM): you're too hard on yourself
Me (12:08:53 AM): no, everyone else was too hard on me, and I fell in line
TS (12:09:43 AM): well isn't it better to fall in love than to fall in line?
Me (12:09:51 AM): yeah but falling in love takes 2 people with the same plan
TS (12:10:30 AM): nope
TS (12:10:55 AM): sometimes it starts with one then spreads to another
Me (12:11:02 AM): ah, thanks for comparing my love to the plague

My First(ish) Girlfriend(ish)

2007-09-03T13:07:00.000-07:00

When I was in 3rd or 4th grade the cool thing was sending girls you liked love notes. You know, the girls without cooties. So I wrote a note, some stupid, poetic note that compared the girl's eyes to oceans. The kinda stuff that sounded good when you're 8 or 9 but seems intensly corny nowadays. So I wrote it and the class was sitting in a 4 or 5 row semicircle for some kind of story time crapola. The girl who was supposed to get the note was two rows ahead of me, even though I tired to sit right next to her.

So I handed the note to MC (b) to give to the girl I liked, RS (b), and specifically told her to pass it forward. Buuut, she opened it and read it to herself, and since i didn't write anyone's name on it she thought it was for her.

She was pretty happy that I liked her, and I couldn't hurt her feelings by telling her "No, its for her, not you!"

So MC (b) was basically my first girlfriend. We didn't really do much because she wasn't really the girl I liked in the first place. But it turned out good, me and my friends needed someone to pretend they were April O'Neil when we played "Ninja Turtles" during recess.

Consecutive Lonely Weekend #122: Labor Day Solitudemongery

2007-09-02T17:56:00.000-07:00

It's no secret that I'm a heeeeuge loo-zah. And since I've had to move back to Galeton I haven't hung out with many people. In fact, I've gone 122 consecutive weekends (Fridays and Saturdays, not sure about Sundays) without hanging out with any friends or going anywhere other than taking my dogs for walks and going to stores and crap.

Why would I keep track? Go 50 weekends without hanging out with someone and you start to wonder how many you've gone. And around 100 it becomes the only thing left you have to brag about.

It's a record I wouldn't mind seeing an end to. But like I said, in a different blog, Most of my friends are too far away or are too busy with their significant others and other friends to hang out with me. I've come to accept that I'm not important in any of their lives anymore, not even those whom I haven't even met yet.

And how did I spend lonely weekend #122? Well.... lonely for one, and... I wrote this blog... stared at the ceiling... and blinked a few times... that's about it

My 7 Biggest Crushes of All Time

2007-08-31T22:11:00.000-07:00

In initial form

1. NM
2. RS (a)
3. MC (a)
4. TS
5. EF
6. SS
7. TM

Coming Clean: My Sexual History

2007-08-31T22:10:00.000-07:00

It's not sweeps week, but here's a big(ish) lie I've told to 2 or 3 people.

I = a virgin

Yep, I've told people I had sex for different reasons. Either A) because I never thought I'd see them and thought that they would care less since we wouldn't be talking anymore in a week or two (I have a history of people IMing me and then never talking to me again in a couple weeks). Or B) they had a much more exciting sex life that I wanted something to relate to them with. I just didn't want to be the guy who, when talking about sex, says "yeah? and then what happened? And what happened next?" I wanted to be able to at least say "Yeah, that is fun to do it that way."

It was never because I felt like I had to make it seem like I was a sex god. My common lie was that I had sex with one girl, one time. Now if I wanted to seem manly, why wouldn't I just say "I slept with 30 women, multiple times each, and I think your sister was one of them."

And its not just vaginal sex that I'm a virgin to... a virgin with.... a virgin by... anyway, never had oral sex, and never had anal sex (And I think I'll be ok with remaining an anal sex virgin). The closest thing to sex that I've had was the one time I went down on a girl for maybe 5 or 6 seconds before we were interupted.

So, sorry for lying.

I Need a Shoulder to Die On

2007-08-31T22:06:00.000-07:00

I've been thinking about my own funeral lately. I haven't set a date and don't plan to for awhile, but I have thought about how I want it to go down.

I don't want a lotta people there. In fact the guest list is gonna be much smaller than the invitation list to 2007's E3. First of all I want my parents there (If they out last me), My Brother and Sister and my sisters kids, and if its not too much trouble, I want my dogs there too, even though their expiration date will most likely be before mine. The only "friend" I want at my funeral is "KP". Everybody else in my family and all of my other "friends" are not invited. Mainly because they never really made much time for me in life, so why should they be expected to make time for me after death. And if they do show up, prepare for a haunting.

I don't care what happens to all my stuff, as long as I'm buried with a 2 GB MP3 player full of all my favorite music. And I do not want that MP3 Player to be an iPod. iPods blow. And I want an extra long lasting battery. Like get a person who knows their shit about modding mp3 players and hooking them up to larger batteries and put headphones on my head and push play before they lower me into my dead-hole. And just let it play until the batteries die.

Top 5 Ways I'd like to die
1. During sex, preferably after orgasm.
2. While saving someone else's life, preferably a stranger, to maintain some mystery.
3. After hitting the ground while Sky diving
4. Like John Dillinger (with a massive hard-on)
5. Being shot by Rambo

Top 5 Ways I wouldn't like to die
1. While masturbating
2. While surfing for porn
3. While masturbating and surfing for porn
4. Pulling an Elvis aka while droppin' a duece
5. By drowning

Coming Clean: First Edition

2007-08-28T13:56:00.000-07:00

Coming clean is a section of Josh à la Mode that I'll attempt to come clean from a lie I told to someone. Whether its a white lie, or a black, greasy, parasitic lie. So, I'll start it off rather easily...

I don't really hate Canada, Michigan, Oregon, Washington, or Florida. I just think its fun to pick on them.

So, sorry for lying.

13 foods my life would be incomplete without

2007-08-28T13:54:00.001-07:00

1. Doritos
2. Salad (Preferably the salad bar at the Pudgies in Wellsboro.)
3. Lasagna
4. Mountain Dew
5. Tea
6. Rice
7. Snickers
8. Turkey subs from Sheetz with lettuce, onion, tomato, mayo, Italian Romano dressing, hold the cheese.
9. McDonald's Double Quarter Pounders with Cheese
10. Burger King's Double Whoppers
11. Whatchamacallit candy bars
12. Sun chips
13. The chicken poppers from Galeton's Acorn

Why My Life Sucks, Reason #1

2007-08-28T13:49:00.000-07:00

No friends much?

Well, it depends on how you look at it. Sure, I have "Myspace Friends" which I affectionally call my MFers. There's like 4 people I talk to on a regular basis online, the closest is 2 1/2 hours away from me. The others are 4 hours to half the country away.

But when I think about what the definition of Friend is, or should be, I think it should be someone you know well, enjoy being around and see at least once every six months. Thats a pretty simple definition to follow, wouldn't you think?

Well, not so much for me. You see the last time I saw a "friend" has been over 6 months. So by that definition, I literally have no friends.

I understand that people have their own lives and they have thier own things to do, but c'mon, once every 6 months isn't much to ask is it? Just 1 or 2 hours out of every 4,380 hours, 4,392 if its a leap year.

So hanging out at least once every 6 months = a friend, hanging out once every 7-12 months I would consider to be an almost-friend.

For the past 2 years and three months I've seen my one almost-friend (Who I'll call WV) for maybe 3 hours, one day, and I'm begining to think that the only reason why he even came over that time was because he was in town for a funeral. Like "Oh great, so-and-so died, I guess I have to hang out with that assface Josh while I'm in town."

My other friend, that I'll call TO, and I hung out a lot last year, he came over just about every week or so. But I haven't seen him since January or February. Last I knew he took a trip to somewhere in Europe or Asia and has a girlfriend. I've always been used to friends choosing their girlfriends over me, it's like I have a tattoo on my forehead that says "Hey, hang out with me, unless you have a girlfriend, or incase a girl shows a little bit of interest in you."

And I've always been one to think that most of your friends are made in your teens and early twenties. After you turn 24 you only have your old friends and new aquaintences, and since I'm 24 1/2 I'm pretty close to being shit out of luck for the rest of my life.

And I know what you're thinking, "Stop blogging and go out and make friends." Sure, that'll work great, "Hi random person-on-sidewalk, lets be friends!" Or maybe I could go to the bars around here, and make friends with the 40-50 year old members of the motorcycle gang who are the only people who go to those bars. "Hey Chains, nice handle bar mustache, let's be friends!"

The thing is that just about everyone in this town are between the ages of Newborn-18, or 30-90, there are maybe 7 peoples here that are 19-29, aren't too busy with their 4 kids and 2nd marriage, and have a reasonable mental capacity. I being one of them. And the other 6 are probably too busy with significant others, life, and actual friends that they wouldn't have the time for a Johnny No-mates like me.

"Sad song," said the violin.

Josh's Heirarchy of Friends
- Enemy: You hate this person and never want to see them again.
- Non-friend: It doesn't matter how much you see this person, you don't hate him, and you don't like him. You'll push him out of the way of an oncoming train, but then you'll call him stupid for standing on the track.
- Quasi-Aquaintence: A typical convo with a QA usually starts like this: "Hey, aren't you the guy who *insert something this guy is famous for*?"
- Acquaintance: This is the kinda person that you say hi to each other on the street but don't invite them to your birthday party.
- Best Acquaintance: A BA is most likely someone you work with, or go to school with. You don't tell this person about every intimate detail of your life, but you still go to them with problems.
- Almost-Friend: You see this guy at least once or twice a year. During those times you probably talk about what they've been up to since the last time you saw each other. Or you bring up jokes that were funny 8 months ago when you last saw them.
- Friend: You see this person at least every 6 months, and are more than happy with their company.
- Good Friend: You see this friend at least five times a month, you invite them to parties and get invited to theirs.
- Best Friend: Someone you see a few times a week if not everyday, you have no secrets with this friend, you'd give your life for them.
- BFF: Someone you see almost everyday, and everyday you go with out seeing them makes you a sad monkey.